Ways I Make Space to Be Wrong in Therapy Sessions (As a Therapist for People-Pleasers)
If you're a recovering people-pleaser, being wrong can feel downright terrifying. When your body learned early on that safety meant keeping the peace, staying hyper-vigilant, and making sure everyone else was comfortable, making a mistake feels like a direct threat.
When you start therapy, that deep-seated need to "get it right" doesn’t magically disappear. It's totally normal to find yourself wanting to people-please your therapist, too. You might guess the "correct" answers, nod along when something I say doesn't land, or hold back how you really feel just to keep things smooth.
That's actually why I love being wrong in sessions.
When I misstep or misread a moment, it models what it looks like to just be a real human. It takes me off any pedestal and gives you full permission to share what's actually going on for you, without worrying about damaging our connection or managing my feelings. Being a therapist doesn't mean I get it right every single time. I lead with humility, I never assume I know your exact lived experience, and I leave plenty of room for systemic, cultural, and personal nuance.
I'll clock a pattern, but you always have full permission to clock if I've got it wrong!
14 Phrases I Use in People-Pleasing Therapy to Invite Disagreement
To take the pressure off so therapy doesn't feel like another place you have to perform or be "good," here are the exact phrases I use to let you know you never have to walk on eggshells with me:
Checking In & Testing Hypotheses
"I am noticing X, does that resonate with you or am I off base?"
"This X pattern or theme sounds similar to Y, do you see a connection or is there something else present?"
"You are the expert on you. What I am noticing from our sessions is X, does any of that feel true?"
"I could absolutely be wrong here, but can I reflect something back to you?"
"Is there something I missed when reflecting X that you want me to know?"
Collaborating & Handing the Power Back to You
"Let me see if I got right what you said."
"I am here to collaborate with you. At any point, if what we are doing is not your jam or I have got something wrong, it is important to me to hear you."
"Last week we left off on X. Do you want to go there today, or is there another place your heart or mind is on?"
"There is no right or wrong answer from you."
"You can tell me to F off if I am totally off base here."
Receiving Corrections & Repairing the Connection
"Oh yeah, I def got that wrong, thank you for telling me."
"Oh, thank you for telling me what feels true to you. I understand and I am glad you corrected me."
"Oh yeah, I was off base. Let me make sure I got what you said right."
"What is it like for you to hear me say X?"
Why Rupture and Repair Matter in Trauma & People-Pleasing Recovery
If you grew up twisting yourself into knots to avoid conflict or disappointing people, having a therapist genuinely thank you for correcting them can feel pretty surreal.
Most people-pleasers spend their whole lives believing that disagreement ruins relationships. But when you tell me I missed the mark and I meet you with curiosity instead of defensiveness, your nervous system gets a totally new experience. Your body gets to learn firsthand that you can speak up, correct me, hold your ground, and still be completely safe and connected.
Therapy shouldn't be another space where you carry the weight of being "good." By actively owning my own mistakes, I hope it gives you permission to start being a little gentler with yours, too.
Ready to Try Virtual EMDR Therapy for People-Pleasing?
If you are exhausted from being everyone's go-to person and ready to trust your own inner wisdom, you don't have to figure it out alone. I offer holistic, virtual EMDR and trauma therapy for sensitive souls across Florida, New Mexico, South Carolina, and Tennessee.